Working from home has made a lot of things easier–commutes, for instance, and dressing down for a day of remote meetings–but some things, like resolving conflict, have become harder. Most of us would rather avoid conflict, and now that there’s no danger of running into an adversary in the hall, we can easily put off confronting them indefinitely. Like a strange, vague pain you know you have but would rather you didn’t, it’s easy to hope that maybe it will just go away on its own.

Not. Problems at work are problems that need resolution regardless of whether you’re in the office or working from a treehouse. The longer you let them go, the worse they get. That’s why we call them problems.

Because I teach conflict resolution skills, people often ask me how to handle resolution in a virtual workspace. Here are some tips:

Don’t Use IM

Trust me. This is not a generational thing. It’s the truth. There’s no emoji you can use that will calm down a fuming coworker. Likewise for abbreviations. Typing R U OK? will come off as callous even if you put a smiley face next to it. IM was built for speed. Fixing relationships takes time.

Don’t Email

Unless you have no other option, don’t try to resolve conflict using email. I know it’s tempting to sit down and write out a thoughtful communication, but don’t go there. The single reason is tone. People misread tone all the time in email. I don’t know why, but they do. Most likely, you have, too. In fact, it can be so easy to misread tone in an email that I’ve sometimes tried to preempt this hazard by writing things like, “Please don’t misread my tone. I’m really very delighted by…” If you have to go that far, then email is not the right medium for whatever you have to communicate.

When You Can, Use Video

The experts say that 70% to 93% of in-person communication is nonverbal. Even though we can’t agree on the percentage, absolutely no one thinks that verbal communication is doing most of the work. With so much riding on nonverbal cues, why, why, why would you rob yourself of seeing the other person? If you’re really committed to making things better, then you need to give yourself every advantage. Insist on video if you have the technology available.

Be Sincere

You need to be civil at all times, but even more important, you need to be sincere. If your attempt at reconciliation sounds like you’re going through the motions, then whatever grounds the two of you gain are likely to be temporary–especially if you’re both working from home. Retreating or backsliding is just too easy because accountability measures are easier to ignore when you’re not going to see one another in a long, long time. If you can’t get into the right frame of mind to make this call, put down your laptop screen and work on yourself a little more first.

Rehearse

I’m not kidding. The higher the stakes or the bigger the problem, the more you need to go in with a plan. Write out your opener and all the possible responses you’re likely to get. Follow this up with a few you’re unlikely to get. If you have a trusted coworker or confidant, ask that person to do a little role play. The actual call will probably go nothing like what you rehearsed, but it may be similar enough for you to grasp onto just the right phrase at just the right time. And because you’re not face-to-face, you can have your notes right in front of you when you talk. How nice is that?

Make The First Move

Be the bigger person. Make the first move, even if your coworker is the one who owes the apology. Let’s be clear: I’m not telling you to apologize unnecessarily. I’m telling you to open the door to reconciliation. Find a neutral way of letting the other person know that you’re receptive to making things right. One approach is to send a little email that says, “I sense that there’s tension between us, which I really don’t want. If you’d like to talk, I’m open to it.” Or any variation that works for you.

Sometimes you have to signal that you’re ready to reconcile. If the other person is not in the same place, your signal can help them get into gear. After all, people are much more motivated to resolve conflict when they know the other person isn’t waiting to bite their head off.

You’ve Got This

Resolving conflict in a virtual world is absolutely possible. For many of us, working virtually is totally new and has taken some adjustment. Now that we’ve been at it a while, however, we’ve most likely achieved a level of comfort with our remote systems and styles to turn towards more difficult matters–like healing relationships.

We don’t yet know what work will be like when the pandemic is over. What we do know for sure is that we’ll still have difficult people in our lives and even difficult moments with perfectly pleasant people. Don’t wait any longer to make things better. You’ve got this.